Above is one of those inexpensive Christmas ties that plays music in a tinny sort of way. It is made of a material that feels like the satin on the edge of a blanket. This worked out well because here in Ohio, I did not have any satin on my blanket and that was a crisis. From the time before I can remember, I have fallen asleep with what my father dubbed “a feeler” between my fingers. The ribbon-feeling used to be accompanied by thumb sucking, but I reluctantly gave that up.

My mother once said that if I were to die before she did; she would insist I have a ribbon between my fingers in my casket.

So last night, when I mentioned not having a feeler, my husband joked that well, there was his Christmas tie. He grinned and tossed it on a table, but I called out, “Give it here” with some urgency in my voice. And last night I slept, not with sugar plum fairies in my head, but with a lifelong primal need met.