First: That part about the Mystery Person Refugee taking pictures of us looming over her, well, box, in order to make her more comfortable. We lied. The Alien Tree* made us. She did have a camera and was going to photograph us, but Rose noticed it was digital and said, “But, dear, you have no film.” And she said, “Oh, rats.” (The Alien Tree made us add that bit also.)

SO . . . today. Ah, today we are going to Dayton to see Der Bingle and take part in a shooting class. We are taking a small artificial alpine-type tree for him in our car trunk. I could say The Alien Tree made me add a Sponge Bob ornament left over from Summer’s Sponge Bob days, but it was my own idea. I found it clinging to one of the miniature Pilgrim ornaments; it must have been an eclectic theme that year.

We will get there after dark which means the opportunity for me to maintain my record of getting lost in a town in which I used to live for a good number of years is greatly enhanced. Now, here’s another rub: We will be bringing Der Bingle’s cell phone which he had to leave here while Radio Shack gave him a loaner. The vital piece of information is that I have his memory chip and will take it when I retrieve the replaced phone. Will this then activate the phone I will have with me and deactivate the phone he has? Will there be two phones with the same number covered for a few hours?

If it is the former, we will not be able to call him because he will not have a working cell phone and had his landline removed. So it will be just me and my GPS and people yelling, “Grandma’s lost again!”

*What if The Alien Tree won’t let us take it down? Maybe it will make us transfer its alien essence to the rhododendron.