I am in a bad mood and I am not apologizing for it. I told someone I felt like punching faces; I don’t believe that is accurate. I just want to have someone come in to pack up my things, put my mother into suspended animation so she will not worry about anything and then go off to a new life. If anyone were to miss me, let my memory be erased from their minds. Ah, it is coming back to me – this is my runaway mantra. Actually, I usually run away inside my head . . . to my quiet house, my quiet, quiet house. The one on the coast, with the big windows and the fireplace . . . and the cook and housekeeper . . . and the tons and tons of dollars in the double secret safe in the cellar.

Well, I didn’t know if it would rain or not rain today and so I put off fence painting and went over and cut Mrs. Feller’s rhubarb. We went into her kitchen and used her recipe and made lots of rhubarb sauce. Oh, gosh, it smelled so good cooking and tasted great when sampled.

Here’s Kathryn in our chopping frenzy.

The rhubarb starting to cook on Kathryn’s stove.

The rhubarb cooked down to sauce.

Today is a day for transcribing and I absolutely hate going through the stages of it. I think that has something to do with my lifelong erroneous idea that something started must be finished in one fell swoop. I have been trying to address this transcribing thing by actually trying to change my ways – to do a little at a time instead of going in for the marathon.

Today is not starting out too successfully. I feel the dread of making a document entitled “something notes” and then having to take the time to open one called “something article”. I dread this because that means I will have to actually start and it will be hanging over my head until it is done. Now, I know through recent experience that I can transcribe for 10 or 15 minutes at a time and get it done and think, “Wow, it just happened somehow.” And I will appreciate the importance of having heard the words once again and listening to them slowly enough to allow typing. It will help me in my end result.

As I type now, I am thinking I do not want to go trudging over with my fingers to the Word program and actually get this big old rock that I have to figuratively push up a hill positioned at the bottom of that hill. I think even though I do not actually bang my head against a wall, I bang parts of my mind against each other in frustration.

I am truly continuing on this theme because I just don’t want to start this transcribing chore. It does not necessarily make sense, oh, it is a feeling that is so real and yucky.