A vacationing scuba diver’s message

My husband knows this fellow who is a professional-class diver, as a hobby. He does salvage work sometimes and thinks it fun, but anyway, yesterday Der Bingle joined a group of people forwarding the diver’s automatic email respponse:

Please believe me when I say that under normal circumstances, your email would be important to me. However, given that I’m in an exotic tropical location spending a majority of my time underwater exploring reefs and interacting with sharks and other aquatic species, your email will remain unread until I return of my own freewill or unceremoniously dragged kicking and screaming to my cube. If you require immediate assistance, contact D***** M***** and if urgent, please do not hesitate to call and awaken D***** in the middle of the night…even on weekends…and present your questions. Unfortunatley, I will not be able to take any celluar calls during my vacation due to the fact that nitrogen or tequila narcosis may result in rambling discussions centered on the breeding and selling of champion Costa Rican Howler Monkeys…

Der Bingle prefaced the message with this comment:

J*** C**** had, and still has, style.