I don’t actually feel probed and I can’t tell if any samples have been taken, but then, again, who knows what happened in the last two or three days. I also have no sense of my head being taken off so I don’t think I’ve been “Miked”. So,in the absence of any evidence to the contrary, I must assume that I was abducted.

This morning has been a rough one – oh, nothing like leg-breaking or a deadly diagnosis or bankruptcy. Just a little minor spirit breaking. So I sat down to go about a few routine things, like the news and weather and Pottermom’s floors and I saw this:

I don’t know; I really don’t . . . but I just feel like sobbing.

The weather website is talking about ways the world as we know it could end . . . and a Senate committee is talking about a plan to intercept asteroids. Now I know the meteor hitting in Russia and the 17,000 miss of the asteroid on the same day is noteworthy and I, myself wonder about little companions . . . but maybe someone else knows something. Something such as SPLAT.

I may think about selling asteroid-deflecting hats – money up front, of course.

Just thought I’d mention it since weather.com kept talking about the end of the world. However, I did doubt myself for a moment when I went to that site and got the message the server couldn’t connect. After a couple of tries, it came up – still asking if the end was near – but, eventually letting me know the temperature is 24.

These March cold spells are nasty – wet and as Der Bingle said, the cold is in the air, which means it is like a demon that chases you down. Winter air is cold all over; you know it, prepare and move around in it like an astronaut in space. This wet cold is a predator and does a pretty good bitch slap.

6am
I think my nose looks as it usually does in the mirror, but inside, it is one tingling, stuffed blob pushing its way farther and farther out of my face. Or so it seems. And boy, it seems a lot. I have dosed it with Alka-Seltzer cold medicine; that is I drank the stuff, I didn’t throw it on my nose or inhale it. I’m thinking about doing that now.

7:35 am I think my nose is out of joint now because when I went to weather.com to see just how cold the next few days are going to be, I was not immediately greeted with the news of three snowy days. No, the big picture that popped up was of the planet Earth taking a Gamma Ray burst with the caption asking if this is how the end would come. Then other possibilities were pictured.

I just wanted to know the weather, not whether or not we are going to be here. Somehow, I feel talking about the end of the earth is taking the basic topic of weather too far.

9:46 am: To quote a Muppet song – Sweetums, lay your ugly head down upon your wretched bed. I did, on my side with the throbbiest side of my nose downward, and it feels much better!! Although, the change in position to upright is altering that. I may just have to keep my head down all day.

9:58 am Well, I decided to check the news and saw this:

So Marines killed and Air Force guys over South Korea. Quentin is a Marine and Der Bingle spent plenty of time in the BUF’s (Big Ugly Fellows . . . or maybe that F stood for something else.) I guess I can deal with a little nose discomfort.

10:09 am: I went to check on the temperature – 21 degrees – and weather.com is still doing it . . .

8:18 pm: Oh, major cleaning endeavor and then I look once again at weather.com and find I am being asked, Is the End Near? It’s WEATHER, you people. I might as well be typing www.doom.com . . . and I’m actually afraid there might be such a site. Aha, I checked and that took me to a black page with Bethesda written on it and a choice of languages. I just tiptoed away.

Explorers have described the creature on the left as having blue fur and a pink nose. The biped on the right is wearing what is known as a “Dr. Phil Audio-Repellent Hat” when the show is being viewed in an adjoining room in the igloo.

1 made myself think of planting things that would grow in a little garden area, and then I became aware of Thugo looking over my shoulder. He remarked, “Ah, you are looking at the Holy Seed? AUuUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHH

Schools were closed today because of icy roads and a just a little while ago I heard sleet whipping against the windows. Actually, I’m thinking about Inspector Clouseau and the schools being “clos-ED” – I have no idea why I keep hearing this in my mind, but I suspect it is an omen my day will be more eccentric than usual. That is to say, I, AmeliaJake, will not know what I am doing until I have done it and I am not sure if even then I will know.

I do feel a great swell of silliness inside me just wanting to break free. FREE FREE FREE . . . Maybe it has something to do with my research on Ugly Dolls, prompted by the arrival of the Thugos (formerly the Trunkos) and the Babos (who are still the Babos). I followed the press link and found this article from the NY Times.

Come to think of it, I suppose only Big Trunko became Thugo, after the miracle of the purple smoke, and Little Trunko is still Little Trunko, although the “Little” would no longer be necessary. Then again, if Thugo were to resign, would he revert to being Big Trunko?

Okay, I’m going to quit fooling around here. This is the straight dope: I am feeling all these Pope analogy jokes fermenting inside of me. Yes they are doing it all by themselves, I am not fomenting them, consciously, that is. Oh, dear, I’m confused again. Oh, I guess that’s confus-ED.

Oh, let’s say it at the end of May when I found out my blood sugar was considered high and in June when I leaned a lobe of my parathyroid gland was going crazy. I was so totally bummed that I cried, mainly because I felt bad about the sugar thing and my lifestyle. So I started keeping my eating mouth closed, saving my razor sharp tongue for words and not chips and cookies and, oh, lots of food things. After about six weeks, I started walking . . . in one of the hottest summers we’ve had for awhile. And I lost weight.

The days got short and cold and with family issues I was unable to make it to the Y to compensate for my early morning or late, late evening trudges. But, now, those days are getting longer and warmer – although it’s been kind of raw lately – and I need to quit “holding my own” and start “losing some more of my own”. How much “own” I should lose is an undetermined number at this time. I guess I need to lose everything that jiggles and ripples.

That’s a place to start. I’ve got my new shoes and heel cushions. Maybe I ought to add a couple of basic yoga exercises; maybe I should keep a daily record of how close I can get my foot to my nose? No, I think I need to give this more thought.

UPDATE: I’ve given this post more thought – but not about getting a spring in my step because spring is nigh. Sigh. I just looked at the weather site and the first headline I saw was about winter not fading away. This week we are going to have a high of 30 on one day with the low down to 20 degrees. I may declare this the “week of fires” and get some exercise toting firewood . . . and doing yoga toe movements by the hearth. Hey, there could be such exercises.

I have it in my head to do something today. But what? I went to Sears and got HEPA vacuum bags and could go around sucking the heck out of the carpets, maybe even get down on my hands and knees and suck stuff from beneath the refrigerator. Or I could not do that. Tsk. A difficult decision. I could read the instructions to the band sander or the electric chainsaw. Yeah, a little floor sanding, some wood filler, replacement tile and voila. I don’t think my 3 pm enthusiasm would last long enough. Sort of a flimsy excuse, but it’s the best I can do on short notice. I don’t suppose I should read the chainsaw instructions because my enthusiasm might not wane. I’ll bet I’ve got 300+ feet of electric cord – that could give me quite a cutting radius. Question is: Do I love the smell of sawdust in the late afternoon? Do I want to vacuum up that sawdust through my HEPA filters?

Actually, I think I’ll get cleaned up and go to the nursing home, sit with Kathryn and Dorothy and Marilyn in the dining room and then go prop my feet up on Kathryn’s bed and read while she rests. I could take a peek in her candy box and practice self-control in relation to my first paragraphs’ expression of intent.

It occurs to me that I have been having this back and forth could do this, could do that monologue in a few frequent post – almost like there are tasks out there hanging over my head that in all truth I don’t want to do. Gee, could that be possible?

Look at this cow:

I don’t knit, but Mother did and she took on projects. I don’t know, maybe I could have talked her into knitting a five foot tall cow . . . Just a thought.

The cow pattern picture cam be found HERE at THIS SITE.

Then again, she might have taken it into her head to knit a five-foot AmeliaJake who would be the same size, but much quieter than the real one. Of course, then she would have had two AmeliaJakes and maybe would have kept one locked in the attic.