I regained weight; I was not pleased. After some thought, I figured the best bet for me to at least make a stab at getting leaner and more fit would be to invest in a treadmill. I made the leap of faith – that I would actually use a treadmill – and ordered a really sturdy one online.

It was delivered, all 243 lbs of it and the box was bigger than I imagined it would be. Perhaps that is a result from order a LARGE beanbag and having it arrive in a small box. Of course, once I opened the box and started to unzip the cover that restrained the bag, I got an entirely new perspective on the situation.

There were instructions and they were in English, for one half of the booklet. What you were to do was stated out, at least some of the steps were. The diagrams were not those that zoomed in on certain connections and I decided it was time to turn to YouTube. That was a good idea, but it “t’weren’t good enough” – to quote a story about Bert and Maine and the Bangor Packet.

The YouTube instructions were adequate in themselves, but somewhere in the assembly, I realized the manufacturers might have thought, “Well, this thing doesn’t have to fly to the moon” and left one hole on an inner piece just the tiniest bit too small for the threaded bolt. So I took the darn thing apart and did what I should have done in the first place – I tried the bolt in just that one hole, without the pressure of any other pieces on it. That didn’t work. It didn’t work one hour later either, when the sweat was running down my face and causing my glasses to fall off.

However, after another 30 minutes, I had gnawed the bolt through the hole. I removed it, put the apparatus back together and tried to put the bolt in. It didn’t want to go. I wiggled the outer upright piece, while tying to hold the other parts steady. Somehow, I got that bolt in.

But that was only Step 3.

So I took a deep breath and plodded on, stopping only at the very last when I was supposed to insert six non-essential screws into the handholds. The screw holes were accessible through channels on the bottom side of the handlebar console. Screws fell on my face and I paused to wonder, after all this, if the treadmill would actually work.

I plugged it in and pushed the power button and, yes, the motor started to rotate the tread. I got on and adjusted the speed to .5 mph; I decided it would be better to go faster on another day.

Of course, I don’t want to set the speed too high, because the instructions did make it clear one should make certain the back end was at least three feet from a wall. I guess that means if I goof it up and tumble off the back, I won’t smash into a wall. I don’t know, though, I wonder if hitting a padded wall would not be preferable to thudding to the floor.

Gee, can you imagine me YouTubing my assembly process?