Today when I was encouraged to go to the doctor for the pain in my side, I wound up standing in front of an  X-ray machine. The technician said that she wanted me to stop breathing. I asked if I could eventually start again. Fortunately, I had made a couple of  other semi-humorous remarks before and so she did not stare at me as if I were an idiot.

I have fractured ribs. You rest; you may possible use a “pillow splint” and you should take deep breaths so you do not get pneumonia. When I had pneumonia four decades ago, I coughed so hard, I cracked a rib.  I made no jokes about this ironic twist.

I was seen by a nurse practitioner because it was a last minute appointment and because it was pretty straight-forward: I fell and hit my side and it hurts now.  She was very nice and competent and after she had asked me all about the fall and any preceding wooziness or other unsteadiness, she talked to me about how important it is for people to make certain their surroundings are sort of fall-safe.  The people of whom she spoke were I knew, in medical speak, little old ladies. I now have a sheets of instructions  – single spaced- about the details of how not to fall. One suggestion is to sit in an armchair while getting dressed.

The ribs hurt; the Little Old Lady speech has not truly registered yet. I was not ready for this. I sat there, staring at her with a nonchalant expression on my face thinking: Oh my God,  my denim skirt is turning into a flowered dress and my hair is becoming very white tight permed curls on my head and I may or may not see my Skechers turn into bunny slippers if I look down.

When she called in the afternoon to confirm that the ribs were crunched, she first carefully introduced herself and reminded me I had seen her earlier for side pain. I could not resist replying, “I remember.”

But back to the stop breathing comment. I was tempted to remark about the PBS show with Judi Dench – “As Times Goes By” in which Lionel said when he saw her, he stopped breathing. Then he added, I started again, of course, or I would be dead now. I decided to keep my mouth shut. It was probably a wise little old lady decision.

And Pottermom, thank you for the comforting hug.