It dawned on me a while ago that when you are in pain or horribly worried about something and then the situation is eased, relief is not just the absence of the former, it is a euphoria. For instance, when I am really procrastinating doing a project or meeting a writing deadline and am just up against it with tension and clock-watching and vowing I will never ever do it again if only, just this one last time, I can manage to get it done, then, then when it is finally done, I am HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY. It feels so good; yes, apparently this is related to the stopping hitting your head phenomenon.

On the rare occasions I have maintained a nice little pace and finished with no stress at all, I maybe think, Oh, good, I don’t have to worry. It’s not anywhere near the WOO HOO feeling I got when I typed the last period at 3 in the morning and then pushed send.

I felt too good to go to bed; I felt great. I would think YES, YES, YES as I practically skipped out to the kitchen for a little snackie.

You know what the problem is: You can’t get that relief thrill without putting yourself through the tension-packed, terror-filled hours of working against the clock. Sooner or later, you see the error of your ways. I’d say it took me 65 years. So, now I have to figure out a way to rewire my brain to get a big lift from the process of doing. Frankly, I am a little nervous about going near my brain’s wiring. It’s probably not what you’d find in your textbook.

This is going to take some thought, but maybe if I finally figure out how to feel gleeful while working, I will experience an absolute euphoria at having figured it out. And I think that would put me back where I started, sort of.

I can tell this is going to take some double-double reverse psychology. Perhaps I can find a mad scientist who will just implant an electrode in my brain and with the push of a button I can experience the thrill of finishing without the agony of the feat.

Did I hear a groan?