I just looked at the blog’s first page and saw an enormous stretch of blank space below my remarks on my dead dryer. Was that an inadvertent moment of silence? Well, it gone now . . . not to be disrespectful.

Yesterday my new roaster arrived; I had decided to get one because my old inherited Westinghouse ones were showing splotches on the blue/white cookwell and the heating element on one was getting hotter than the turkey . . . and because someone stepped on the lid of one of them and bent it really bejesus. Not to be disrespectful.

This new baby is supposed to handle a 22 pound turkey; we are going with a 19.54 specimen with extra drumsticks tucked in. It has a brushed steel outer shell. Oh, I mean the roaster, not the turkey. We all stood around going, “Oooooh, ahhhhh.” Yes, it’s so nice-looking NOW but I know what that brushed steel is going to do, so I just wanted to mention the oohs and ahhs before we got to the oh’s and aw’s.

You have to “smoke” a new roaster before you use it for the first time. Fortunately for me, other people must have missed this in the instruction book because right on top of the unit was a separate message: You MUST smoke the roaster before using. I guess the company figured out they should include an in your face notice because some people had an aroma in their kitchens that was not appetite-inducing.

And, the instructions said to do this outdoors. So we did and, yes, the whole garage (with door up, even) smelled acrid. In fact, you could see the smoke pouring out of the roaster. Oh, that must have caused a stir in some households: “Holy Moses, the turkey is on fire, Agnes!” Maybe there were cases where even older grandmas than I with respiratory problems came bursting out of the kitchen door . . . or were found crumpled on the floor. I don’t even want to contemplate the wording of the obituary.

This morning the roaster is safe and sound back in the kitchen, still in its ooh and ahh condition. In 48 hours we will be plopping the turkey in it and it will become one of the kitchen help. From shiny cover to oily smudges . . . it could be a book title.