This STUFF. I found an old bottle of it and I used it and I cannot believe I ever strayed. I am tempted to voluntarily go to Wal-Mart and get some, along with the daily use formula. But what if they don’t have it? What if I drag my tried body out there and they don’t have it? Will three dollar solar lights appease me? I don’t think so.

The smell of the shampoo – heavenly. And now my hair is short enough I can’t get it to rest on my nose. Irony, rats. I don’t know if cleanliness is next to Godliness or not, but it is on my hair and I love the feeling.

For the past two days, I have been working outdoors. Yes, painting and mowing and I also did a little inside picking up, even though I kept walking by this pillow that said, “My idea of cleaning is to sweep the room with a glance.” Actually, the painting was staining, but considering it uses a brush and a can of liquid stuff, I call it painting. Now, of course, I’m going to confuse myself by saying that I stained three sections of privacy fence. Up and down with the arm and the wood sucked, really sucked the stain in. No long gliding strokes. Because the temperature had climbed, I grabbed one of Mother’s straw hats and plopped it on my head. Supposedly I have a big head and Mother had a small head, but it fit nicely – probably because Mother had put some spongy stuff in the inner band. Yesterday I managed to get redwood stain on it and today, it caught on a branch and went beneath the wheel of the mower. It was a scary moment but followed with quick relief as I realized it had avoided the blades.

I then decided to bite the bullet and not gamble on having enough gas; I drove into town and forgot I was wearing a stained and faded San Diego tee shirt and stained and worn jeans and the stained and almost mower-eaten hat. The touristy Blue Gate Restaurant was across the street and I think the clerk thought I was not good “local color”.  Sydney hanging his head – with tongue lolling – out the window probably added even another dimension.

When I finished what I was going to mow, I positioned to drive the mower into the Wheel Horse Stable – no kidding that’s what it says above the door. Below the door the boards making up a wee bit of a ramp had rotted completely over the winter and the front wheels went up and the back wheels caught. So I backed up and fiddled with a makeshift ramp. Did it four times and the fourth time on the backout portion I caught the edge of the door frame on something and split the two by four.

So . . . I got off and thought of the Gipper speech and how I was up against it and the breaks weren’t going my way and I hauled off and made the best makeshift ramp known to man and drove that tractor right in and, yes, well, hit the mower already parked in front. GO, AMELIAJAKE!!!!

None of this was caught on film and no AmeliaJakes were harmed in the non-making of the film.