Actually, this may be what he eats today in his finishing up years of high school. Sam is LZP’s second son; the first son just earned his second stripe in the AF. I don’t know what Joe – the second-striped first son eats – but from 4th grade, here are Sam’s recipes, which are (gasp) peanut butter free:
Captain Sam’s Tuna Salad
You need a big can of tuna fish, a big scoop of miracle whip, 2 big spoons of relish, a Pepsi, and some bread. You put the tuna fish in a bowl after you pour out the stinky fish water. Then you mix in the relish and the miracle whip. Put it in the refrigerator to get cold. Take a break and drink the Pepsi and watch some cartoons. During a commercial put some of the tuna salad on bread and eat it. Go outside.
Senor Sam’s Mexican Spaghetti
Take one pack of Ramen noodles, throw away the spice packet. Have a grownup boil the noodles and put them in a dish. Add 3 spoons of Salsa (not from New York City) to the noodles and stir it up. This is best eaten when wearing a Mexican Hat. For dessert put a bunch of Pop Rocks in your mouth and take a drink of 7-up.
Dr. Sam’s Vitamin Drink
Go to Quick Trip or 7 eleven and get a glass and put in some of every kind of pop. Don’t get any ice it takes up too much room. Drink this as fast as you can. After you burp you will feel better and live to be very old and have big muscles.
Big Sam’s Truck driver’s Breakfast
Put some Little Smokies and a chopped up onion in a skillet. Let them cook while you read a comic book. When you smell that they are ready take 4 or 6 eggs and put them in the skillet and stir it around with a pancake flipper. Put it on a plate and eat it with ketchup. You can eat toast and jelly at the same time, with a glass of chocolate milk.
Astronaut Sam’s Space Pudding
Put some ice cream in a big dish. Let it get kinda melty. Take some cookies and smash them up and dump them into the melty ice cream. Stir it all together. This is best while watching Star Wars or monster movies in the summer.