The Leaning Cow

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A shark and memory

September 25th, 2017 · 1 Comment

That is a misleading post title; I should have typed my shark vacuum and my memory, but what is done is done. Oh, I know there is a delete key and it would me so easy, but today is : Return to Your Past Day and so I doing it like we did waaaay back then.

For those who did not live in those Stone Ages, I will explain:

You did not have a delete key; you typed it, there it stayed. You could use really thin onion skin paper and with an eraser make the paper even thinner; or, if you couldn’t get away with that, you could use White-Out, which was so very obvious.

To deal with these frequent situations, you had to write your way out of your predicament, finding someway to get to the period of the sentence  in a grammatically acceptable process. Often this was not easy. And it definitely was a pain in the neck.

By the way, I made up the today is Return to Your Past Day, although I suspect you knew that.

Getting back to what I started to relate in the first place, I have a Shark vacuum, which is bagless and lets you see the dirt you are sucking up. This can be upsetting, for you may realize that  you are a very dirty person. On the other hand, you feel like you are accomplishing something. On top of it all, the vacuum comes apart in several washable pieces, including the hose and that comes in handy when you inadvertently suck up something noxious.

Yesterday, I vacuumed some areas and then decided I’d wash the filter and let it dry overnight so I could really do a whiz-bang job today. However, and I have no idea how this could have happened, since I have a not-bad memory, I forgot to wash it out. I got up this morning and thought: Oh, no, I really can’t start out the day by vacuuming . . . Gosh Darn! I could have been psychically crushed, but I am resilient and opted to sit down, eat a foldover (peanut butter sandwich) and look at the Internet news.

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Joe Kenda is the new John Wayne for Policeman

September 24th, 2017 · No Comments

I am just a wee bit younger than Joe Kenda; let’s just say that Joe and I are separated by almost two years. Had I been born on the 28th of August rather than the 27th, he would be two complete years older. Oh, if you don’t know who Joe Kenda is, well, don’t feel bad, because I myself was out of touch with cable TV for a few years. But last year, someone turned on the ID channel when I was walking through the room and Homicide Hunter was on. I got sucked in and watched, and the next day I mentioned the show to the man who was installing new lights in my kitchen:

“Oh, yeah,” he said, “my wife and I really like that show.” So we got to talking about Kenda and a couple of other shows that were on ID that summer of 2016. I can’t remember who was the person in the other show, but I do remember remarking that I thought that fellow was quite off-putting and he agreed. As I said, it was summer and there was sort of a Kenda marathon going on to fill space, several days worth of shows and, well, I began to watch them. I had no idea the show had been on for what? four or five years?

Because I am who I am, I pulled out my laptop and started researching Kenda and his career. I discovered his show is extremely popular with just about everyone. He is very smart and can talk for quite a while in short sentences that use words that belie an education and he does not fall back to the “Uh . . .uh . . .uh” mumbling that so many of us use when relating a story.

And, yes, he does tell stories – stories that are actually accounts of the cases he worked on in Colorado Springs in a 20+ year career in which he became the head of the Major Crimes Division. He says he has a great memory; I believe him. Either that or he is making it up as he goes along, but that wouldn’t work because the only way not to ensnare himself in inconsistencies  would be to remember what he had said. That, of course, would require a great memory, so going back to square one, he probably does remember things really, really well.

That was sort of an awkward sentence, but at least by typing, I could just pause and not have to go “Uh . . .uh . . .uh.” He does have a few catch phrases that have caught viewers’ fancy and found the way to posters, mugs and whatever. “My, my, my” and “Really?” are two that jump to mind. Of course I realize “Really?” is not  a phrase; it is one word. However, with Kenda’s intonation and facial expression, it seems to say a lot along the line of Boy, are you lying to me and we’re going to get to the bottom of this . . . and you will wind up on that bottom.

It is not unlike John Wayne and “Pilgrim” or  his trademark, “Welllll, yeah.” Why do I compare Wayne and Kenda? Because when I was much younger, I remember the constant remark regarding men trying to “John Wayne” it. I can’t help but wonder if there are a bunch of cops (police persons) out there who are trying to be cool and calm now like Kenda. Maybe the wives of such men are nagging them to be more Kenda-like – soft voice, polite, not distracting from his message by yelling. Actually, I feel sorry for some of the police people who probably have to endure ribbing about Kenda. Human nature being what it is, you know it goes on.

So, Joe, if anything shady happens here at The Peanut Butter Cafe & Roadhouse, it’s not  your jurisdiction, just like it’s not Columbo’s. Not that anything would happen, shady, that is.



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Wrong Turkey

September 24th, 2017 · No Comments

I just posted not ten minutes ago, but I am here again because I must confess to a totally AmeliaJake type of mistake. I glanced at a sub-headline on the Internet news that announced a Miss Turkey had lost her crown due to a tweet. And I thought – please brace yourself – that it had something to do with a Thanksgiving event . . . and maybe with an actual turkey that had been judged “perfect”. Well, no, it wasn’t; you can see for yourself what the real story is HERE.

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Rule # 1

September 24th, 2017 · 1 Comment

This started out as one of the major no-no’s for trial lawyers: Do not ask a question you do not already know the answer to or are an answer you are not prepared to hear. I suppose it derived, as so many prudent things do, from the old adage that curiosity killed the cat.

Firemen feel the door before they open it, for instance. I’m not going to give another example; I am going straight to crux of what prompted me to sigh and sit down and whimper onto my laptop. I suspected it, I know, and that is probably why I put off going upstairs and into a certain room. However, because an attachment to my vacuum has been missing for a number of days, I decided to go see if I had left it “in a certain room.”

Up the stairs I went and I turned left and I did not find the attachment; I viewed a room that harbored nothing filthy, but a number of plates and empty cups and glasses – everywhere. I assume it was everywhere because I made a U-Turn and descended the stairs.

A little while later, I heard the door open to the back vestibule and went out to the kitchen to speak with the dinnerware collector. He tilted his head and said, “Well, it’s a work in progress.” That is one thing he has inherited from me – the ability to disguise something distasteful with a euphemism. Why, when I wanted to wash a stuffed animal and make it sound less horrible than saying, “I’m going to put it in the washing machine,” I simply said it was going to a spa. Never mind that the last time I did that in a HE washer, the spin cycle totally flattened the thing against the side and in the end, an eye fell out.

Actually, no one asked me to relay that story and I shouldn’t have, which only goes to show, even if you know the answer to a question – especially one you are not asked – sometimes you just should keep your mouth closed.

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Water: a danger if taken internally?

September 22nd, 2017 · No Comments

I have upped my consumption of regular old water, although I will allow that most of what I drink is bottled water from Ice Mountain. The main reason I stick with Ice Mountain is because I like the sound of the name and the flash of pleasant mood I feel when I glance at the label. Forest beneath the iced capped mountain – yes, yes, yes, it stirs something inside me. Another reason, which formed in my own mind, has to to do with the Artesians of Olympia Beer. They were the little elf-like guys that manufactured the beer. Please, no one tell me this is a myth or advertising ploy; I simply won’t belief it.

Yes, Virginia, Artesians do exist.

Having taken a byroad here, I’ll return to the point I am supposed to me making. It seems that with a marked increased consumption of water, I have found more energy, even to the point of going outside in 85+ weather with a pruning saw. I look forward to drinking water, something I used to experience only after having done something that has perspiration flowing down my face or during a fever.

Then, again, there is the exercise from toting in a 28 or 32 pack of bottles, but that’s internal usage, although the effort does encourage it. What if the water has me work myself to death? No, that’s certainly not a possibility,


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BookBub blindsides me again

September 8th, 2017 · 1 Comment

Drat, I made an inappropriate pun in the title above, and, really, it was totally unintentional; it had to be subconscious. I caught it almost immediately and could easily have changed it, but maybe it is appropriate because it testifies to the intensity of the emotion that wells within me when a certain topic comes up.

The title of the book was enough to sent up a red flag: Thunder Dog. The short synopsis was confirmation of the assault on my heart:

This #1 New York Times bestseller tells the inspirational true story of Roselle, a loyal guide dog who led her blind owner from the World Trade Center to safety during the harrowing moments of the 9/11 terrorist attacks. With nearly 2,000 five-star ratings on Goodreads.

Shane. It will always be Shane; Shane, whom I did not name, remarking that I would always be reminded of Alan Ladd; Shane, who came to live with me when Quentin had to find him a new home. “Will you take Shane,” he asked. There wasn’t time for a breath between his question and my answer, “Yes, of course.”

There was the trip to Memphis with Cameron to meet up with Quentin who brought Shane from Houston, a trip that had us stopping at Historic Sites and staying at a motel and detouring to show where his grandfather and I had lived at the former AF base at Blytheville, Arkansas. It was a trip that was a marathon drive back from Memphis, with no motel and frequent calls from home for the last four hours as anticipating people queried, “Where are you now?”

And there were the years with Shane. Shane who was an Australian Shepherd clown, who loved Wubbas and hugs and trips to the fairgrounds. Shane who was ordered around by Sydney, our elderly Australian Shepherd who had been the last one to whom my father addressed his last coherent words and the one who was by my mother almost a decade later when she died.

And Shane was Quentin’s dog. Shane had followed in the line of the dogs we have had and said goodbye to, and in quite a few years I knew I would have to say goodbye to him. But it didn’t work out that way. Shane had an asymptomatic genetic condition that led to cancer in the heart that struck its lethal blow in a 48 hour period. He was lying on the floor and I was trying not to stimulate him because I knew he would try so hard to please me. And, so, he died alone and untouched. It was shocking, leaving even the vet to wonder and it was the necropsy that gave us the answer. Answers don’t bring dogs back. In fact, someone said to me, “Shane’s gone and he’s not coming back.” Maybe that was the push that got me thinking that everything Shane represented, everything to which he was linked was gone . . . and not coming back. And it was so much to lose forever.

Shane’s memory was the master key to so many boxes of sadness that were stacked in my mind like safety deposit boxes in a bank’s vault. And so when I watched Marley and Me with Owen Wilson, I sobbed and was near tears for days. Homeward Bound? Oh, heaven’s no.

There are so many deserving stories of loyal and wonderful dogs, but I can’t bring myself to read them. I have lived that story

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Well, a Hoosier hello to Harvey

September 6th, 2017 · 1 Comment

I met a part of Harvey’s extended family this morning at the gas station. I winced at the price per gallon and turned my back to the pump and when that pump shut off automatically, I turned slowly and groaned.

And it occurred to me: With all the notifications about voluntary help for Hurricane Harvey’s victims, am I making an obligatory donation to oh, say, some gas companies?

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How fast can I jump up?

September 4th, 2017 · 1 Comment

I have spent most of the day sitting and reading, sitting and watching a Homicide Hunter: Joe Kenda marathon I got sucked in to, surfing around on the Internet and trying to get motivated on this Monday, a day that feels like Sunday. I have not done much moving at all. However, just a few minutes ago, I moved. I moved my leg up to rest on a stool on which I had placed an iced sparkling water drink.

And, yes, my heel nudged the cup and down it went. I didn’t see it happen because I was I staring at the computer screen. One split second later, icy liquid and half melted ice flowed down my leg that had rested on the stool. There might have been cursing. Carelessly tossing the laptop to the side, I jumped up with a scream and discovered I had a skirt spotted with liquid and, under it, soaked underpants. That is probably too much information. Fortunately, I was alone in the room and so no one will ever know. Uh, maybe I should have thought this through.

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Jeez, I had to remember my password again

August 31st, 2017 · No Comments

Once upon a time, I would come to this site and not have to sign in because I had clicked keep me logged in. Well, I guess those days are long past. And perhaps I shouldn’t have remembered the password because what I intended to write about was the green snot in my nose. Yeah, I just put it right out there: SNOT. Before I had to go through the password thingie, my mind was already mulling over a more proper word than snot, although one that would imply the same GREEN.

Why am I writing about it? Because my nose hurts and pain radiates up into my sinuses and it has been doing so for about a month and so, finally, I made a doctor’s appointment. However, I just could not bring myself to go into his office in my plumped-out, woebegone state and so I made it for two weeks hence. As if regained weight will fall off and blossoming wrinkles will fade and I will get a perky bounce in my step.

What the real problem is is that I turned 69 and there on the next step is 70. That number makes me feel kind of snot green all over. 70!!!  Who knew that the second star to the right, straight on through until morning would lead to 70?


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Well, now I’ve gone and done it

August 21st, 2017 · No Comments

I decided to take a quick look through my mail before I actually did something productive – such as moving a cabinet out of the way in the basement so the plumber who came to day and muttered, “Ahhhhhh” could access a good place to cut through the floor tomorrow. I saw Book Bub’s suggestions and noted one in particular: Bushmaster. Yeah, it’s what you’re thinking – a book about snake guy Raymond Ditmars.

With a series of No’s pounding in my head I still let a finger move the cursor and click a key and, voila, it was headed to my Kindle. Now you know that when you do that they pop up titles of books of the same ilk. I was not going to push my luck and buy another, but I did let my curiosity get the better of me when the synopsis of one mentioned a snake guy named Joe Slowinski and Burma and a krait. I googled his name and found this article AND I READ IT. Oh, I don’t know if I want to close my eyes tonight.

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