The Leaning Cow

Our musings . . . Our emoos

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Puns lurking within us

October 17th, 2017 · No Comments

I know there is a show on TV called Monsters Inside Us that addresses the topic of parasites and bacteria. It’s the type of stuff that can make you cringe – a tapeworm in the brain, for instance.

I have a different problem; the litte-researched Pun Fungi, colloquially known as the Pun Fun Guys, has infected my brain and forged a superhighway to my mouth.

Last night I saw an image of a toddler demolishing a Lego town that had been built by his sibling. It could have been a snippet of Internet family video that was picked up by a news site. While watching the carnage and listening to the fellow who had spent hours Lego urban planning, I thought of Hillary Clinton – It takes a child to raze a village.

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English teachers

October 16th, 2017 · No Comments

I don’t think that I could be an English teacher, or more accurately an instructor in English poetry and the writing thereof. What would be poets have been stifled by English lit teachers who have cried “No, no, no!” at pupils’ submissions.

I can just see the big red letters reading: YOU USED TWICE THREE TIMES, EMILY!!!

I never lost as much but twice,
And that was in the sod.
Twice have I stood a beggar
Before the door of God!

Angels—twice descending
Reimbursed my store—
Burglar! Banker—Father!
I am poor once more!

Emily Dickinson . . . courtesy of The Poem Hunter.

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First Christmas commercial of the season

October 11th, 2017 · No Comments

Given that I don’t watch a lot of TV that has commercials, I’m certain this is not the first Christmas commercial broadcast. However, I am announcing that my first has just been experienced and it is Denny’s pancake sort of dish; I don’t know what it is called because I was focused on the little nutcrackers behind the food display and the bouncy, cheery Christmas music.

Thinking back, I believe commercials were something that we endured and maybe used to our advantage to run and snack or go to the bathroom. When I started watching WGN’s Late Night Movies, which came on at 10:30pm because we were on Central Time in Chicago, the commercial breaks did get annoying and lengthy to the extent that I would often fall asleep, missing scenes in classic movies. However, you really weren’t certain you’d missed anything because you’d seen the movies so many times before. Of course, if the National Anthem was playing or you were looking at a test pattern, you knew the vision of Bogart and Rains walking into the fog talking about a “beautiful friendship” was from a previous viewing.

Once, in a sort of misguided idea of tradition, we watched “It’s A Wonderful Life” on broadcast TV. Lordy! We could have played the video tape three times in the time it took to make it to Zuzu and the angel getting his wings and George Bailey winking upward to Clarence.

I must admit, though, sometimes a commercial pleases me. The latest is the Geico commercial with the pigeons on the telephone wire using the phrase, “Fire at will.” Then one pigeon thinks Will has flown by  . . . and it is not unlike a short “Who’s on First” experience.

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The Smithsonian problem

October 10th, 2017 · No Comments

When the Discovery Channel was new, along with The Learning Channel, I sometimes would walk into the room, turn on the TV and find myself watching hour after hour. Modern Marvels was an incredibly compelling show and at the end of each segment, I would tell myself that this would be the last. Then a promo for the next show would come on and it would be something along the lines of the Grand Canyon or the Golden Gate Bridge and I would sigh and settle in.

Then, somewhere along the line, it seemed that these educational stations went more to reality shows and following the lives of atypical families or, belief it or not, choosing wedding dresses.

My son had told me about The Smithsonian Channel, but with the long lineup of cable channels, I kept missing it. Then, yesterday, there it was and it was highlighting aerial views of different countries and areas of the United States. The One Hour More Syndrome hit and I spent most of the afternoon watching National Geographic type pictures and hearing factoids of areas about which I had been unaware.

I do hope the channel does not morph into choosing kilts or saris or kimonos.

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Preview posts – lesson learned

September 30th, 2017 · No Comments

Holy Moses!! I quickly added three newspaper clippings to my last post and did not then go and look at it. BAD MISTAKE. It sprawled across the entire page. I went into site administration and did what any 69-year-old unaccomplished post poster would do – I spent a lot of time figuring out how to fix it.

I am no longer thinking about that now, however, for when I typed BAD MISTAKE, I started to wonder if that was actually correct. A mistake is something done wrong and this was an instance of something definitely wrong, so how could it be a bad mistake. I would think as mistakes go, it was a good one – or at least an adequate one.

I suppose it is intended to refer to the severity of the effects of the mistake – maybe like giving someone aspirin instead of Percocet and them complaining, as opposed to reversing the dose and totally knocking out someone with a minor headache.

I am considering now that if you make a mistake and the effect is minor, then maybe you have done this mistaking business badly. If you make a mistake and your stove catches fire, well, I guess you have mistaked really well.

It’s possible that I need to stop thinking.

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A little history regarding my son’s middle name (Akers)

September 28th, 2017 · No Comments

My younger son’s middle name is his great-grandmother’s maiden name – Akers. I found three quick references to her from about 100 years ago:

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Tweety Bird

September 27th, 2017 · 1 Comment

I read a blog entry about Trump tweeting and on the spur of the moment commented that I thought sooner or later a pundit would start referring to him as Tweety Bird. Now I can’t get it out of my mind. This could make for a long day.

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A shark and memory

September 25th, 2017 · 1 Comment

That is a misleading post title; I should have typed my shark vacuum and my memory, but what is done is done. Oh, I know there is a delete key and it would me so easy, but today is : Return to Your Past Day and so I doing it like we did waaaay back then.

For those who did not live in those Stone Ages, I will explain:

You did not have a delete key; you typed it, there it stayed. You could use really thin onion skin paper and with an eraser make the paper even thinner; or, if you couldn’t get away with that, you could use White-Out, which was so very obvious.

To deal with these frequent situations, you had to write your way out of your predicament, finding someway to get to the period of the sentence  in a grammatically acceptable process. Often this was not easy. And it definitely was a pain in the neck.

By the way, I made up the today is Return to Your Past Day, although I suspect you knew that.

Getting back to what I started to relate in the first place, I have a Shark vacuum, which is bagless and lets you see the dirt you are sucking up. This can be upsetting, for you may realize that  you are a very dirty person. On the other hand, you feel like you are accomplishing something. On top of it all, the vacuum comes apart in several washable pieces, including the hose and that comes in handy when you inadvertently suck up something noxious.

Yesterday, I vacuumed some areas and then decided I’d wash the filter and let it dry overnight so I could really do a whiz-bang job today. However, and I have no idea how this could have happened, since I have a not-bad memory, I forgot to wash it out. I got up this morning and thought: Oh, no, I really can’t start out the day by vacuuming . . . Gosh Darn! I could have been psychically crushed, but I am resilient and opted to sit down, eat a foldover (peanut butter sandwich) and look at the Internet news.

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Joe Kenda is the new John Wayne for Policeman

September 24th, 2017 · No Comments

I am just a wee bit younger than Joe Kenda; let’s just say that Joe and I are separated by almost two years. Had I been born on the 28th of August rather than the 27th, he would be two complete years older. Oh, if you don’t know who Joe Kenda is, well, don’t feel bad, because I myself was out of touch with cable TV for a few years. But last year, someone turned on the ID channel when I was walking through the room and Homicide Hunter was on. I got sucked in and watched, and the next day I mentioned the show to the man who was installing new lights in my kitchen:

“Oh, yeah,” he said, “my wife and I really like that show.” So we got to talking about Kenda and a couple of other shows that were on ID that summer of 2016. I can’t remember who was the person in the other show, but I do remember remarking that I thought that fellow was quite off-putting and he agreed. As I said, it was summer and there was sort of a Kenda marathon going on to fill space, several days worth of shows and, well, I began to watch them. I had no idea the show had been on for what? four or five years?

Because I am who I am, I pulled out my laptop and started researching Kenda and his career. I discovered his show is extremely popular with just about everyone. He is very smart and can talk for quite a while in short sentences that use words that belie an education and he does not fall back to the “Uh . . .uh . . .uh” mumbling that so many of us use when relating a story.

And, yes, he does tell stories – stories that are actually accounts of the cases he worked on in Colorado Springs in a 20+ year career in which he became the head of the Major Crimes Division. He says he has a great memory; I believe him. Either that or he is making it up as he goes along, but that wouldn’t work because the only way not to ensnare himself in inconsistencies  would be to remember what he had said. That, of course, would require a great memory, so going back to square one, he probably does remember things really, really well.

That was sort of an awkward sentence, but at least by typing, I could just pause and not have to go “Uh . . .uh . . .uh.” He does have a few catch phrases that have caught viewers’ fancy and found the way to posters, mugs and whatever. “My, my, my” and “Really?” are two that jump to mind. Of course I realize “Really?” is not  a phrase; it is one word. However, with Kenda’s intonation and facial expression, it seems to say a lot along the line of Boy, are you lying to me and we’re going to get to the bottom of this . . . and you will wind up on that bottom.

It is not unlike John Wayne and “Pilgrim” or  his trademark, “Welllll, yeah.” Why do I compare Wayne and Kenda? Because when I was much younger, I remember the constant remark regarding men trying to “John Wayne” it. I can’t help but wonder if there are a bunch of cops (police persons) out there who are trying to be cool and calm now like Kenda. Maybe the wives of such men are nagging them to be more Kenda-like – soft voice, polite, not distracting from his message by yelling. Actually, I feel sorry for some of the police people who probably have to endure ribbing about Kenda. Human nature being what it is, you know it goes on.

So, Joe, if anything shady happens here at The Peanut Butter Cafe & Roadhouse, it’s not  your jurisdiction, just like it’s not Columbo’s. Not that anything would happen, shady, that is.

 

 

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Wrong Turkey

September 24th, 2017 · No Comments

I just posted not ten minutes ago, but I am here again because I must confess to a totally AmeliaJake type of mistake. I glanced at a sub-headline on the Internet news that announced a Miss Turkey had lost her crown due to a tweet. And I thought – please brace yourself – that it had something to do with a Thanksgiving event . . . and maybe with an actual turkey that had been judged “perfect”. Well, no, it wasn’t; you can see for yourself what the real story is HERE.

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